at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
