dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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