You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
