That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
