I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize