Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...