from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...