Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club