When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked