Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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