One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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