It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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