she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
