yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
