I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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