I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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