You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
