I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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