Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
