Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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