unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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