God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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