it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
