So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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