I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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