note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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