i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The uberlube is also flammable
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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