I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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