Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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