Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Holy sore nipples Batman
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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