i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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