Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
