Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
