I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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