dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
