the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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