dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
