I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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