So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
