Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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