i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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