If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
two words: eviction party
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
