I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
