I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
