before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
