only if we run a train.
done.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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