dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
