Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
