you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
