she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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