It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
