When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
