my mouth tastes like poor choices
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Randomize
