I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
