Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
