Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
