Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
