I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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