The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
