If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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