so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
