Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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