But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
