i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
