Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
