first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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