I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
