I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
