my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He kissed a someone with a penis
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one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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