Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
