i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
