i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
