I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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