I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
