tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
